Chances of meeting Mr Perfect seem too distant in the future? Want some tender-loving-care now? A 'friend with benefits' is the ideal choice and many career-oriented, single modern women are happy opting for it. Clinical Psychologist Prachi S. Vaish finds out why
True love vs. attraction
“Does true love even exist anymore? It’s so hard to find!” groans Sneha, a beautiful and single Finance expert. There is no dearth of ‘nice’ guys who are great to ‘hang out with’; but she hasn’t found anyone yet who makes her skin tingle. “I wonder if there really is such a thing as being swept off your feet. Maybe it’s just fantasy. So why should I waste my time running after something that might not even exist! I’m happy with a guy who can make me happy today,” she avers. Like Sneha, most young and independent women these days are more than willing to give in to their basic instincts and enjoy a slice of life with a guy they feel attracted to. More often than not, they know this isn’t the guy for keeps, but that doesn’t kill the attraction, so they go all out and live life today with their ‘friend with benefits’ even though they don’t see a future with him at all.
The principle of proximity
“When you spend most of your free time with a colleague, flat-mate or next door neighbour or bump into them almost everywhere, it’s natural to forge a bond. You don’t think about it as a ‘good deal’, it just happens!” Sonia, a PR executive breaks it down practically. Peppering this friendship with some benefits then indeed turns out quite satisfying for these women looking for solace from their empty flat and for someone to just make them feel desired once in a while. It effectively kills loneliness and gives access to that someone who can stay by your side and give you some lovin’ at the end of the day, without the either of you getting weighed down with the accountability of ‘love’.
The great release
“It’s an awesome way to blow off steam and no strings attached!” rejoices Keisha, an artist. Being a creative person, she is engrossed in her work most of the time and when she needs to let go, her friend and fellow artist is right there to oblige! “Sometimes it’s a great way to satisfy your urges, without having to worry about the morning-after, provided both of you are clear on the ground rules,” says another PYT Trupti, a freelance illustrator.
When ‘the one’ walks along
And what happens when ‘true love’ makes an unexpected entry and actually does ‘sweep you off your feet’? “In that case the ‘friend with benefits’ has to make a silent exit and that works both ways: you have to back off and let go as well if he finds ‘the one’ before you,” says Bhairavi, an advertising professional. She adds that “This is usually not difficult because the relationship itself is based on this ‘no-strings-attached’ understanding.”
Blame it on the life pace
Dr. Samir Parikh, consultant psychiatrist, Max Healthcare, expresses his opinion on this fairly new arrangement of having a friend-with-benefits. “Both men and women in cities, with an educated background and a high need of success in high pressure jobs and very exhaustive routines, do not get the time to be able to explore people well enough, as their work routines have a significant impact on them. Also, increasing time spent at work along with smaller family structures has increased the need of friends and companions, so a lot of young people seek solace in friendship,” he explains. Often these friendships tend to blossom into more intense relationships, which may or may not be woven with the thread of commitment, but attraction and passion, most definitely yes. Before you proceed, just be sure that both you and your partner are on the same page.